Topics in My Friends & Family
Now, more than ever, new moms need support. With unknowns of coronavirus and the impact it is having on the health care team, the “village” will need to step up! We share ways to find and build a local ‘parent village’ online.
Was the mother-to-be able to have a baby shower? Many families rely on baby showers to receive a lot of the products needed for a new baby. If not, here are some ideas to virtually gather and ensure she has all she needs for her little one. Even if she has what she needs for baby, she will need supplies for her own recovery (see this list). This is also an important time to think about keeping the family safe – think about giving gift certificates to places that deliver meals and groceries/diapers as one way to help. Consider leaving activity baskets for older children or offer to read them stories virtually to give mom a break. Hand-written cards and letters might feel old-fashioned but they can be a nice surprise in the mail and something that mom can keep for a long time as a memory. Let’s get creative – share your ideas!
A common tradition in the U.S. is for a woman’s friends or family to throw a party – a baby shower – to help her and her partner get ready for the arrival of their child. This is particularly important before the arrival of a first baby and can help defray the costs of baby clothes, car seats, furniture, and more. People have begun to throw baby “sprinkles” for second or more babies as families often have much of what they need. For some people, this is a mom-only affair while in other cases the partner and men are invited to be a part of the celebration and all it entails. Some communities have ceremonies such as Blessing Ways which create a different way of welcoming and supporting the growing family.
While parties can be fun and helpful, the topics and gifts largely focus on the baby, not the mother and her partner in preparing them for what it takes to physically and emotionally manage the change ahead. Adding different types of gifts, conversations, and resources to this tradition could recognize not just the baby, but the birth of a mother and a family.
NOTE: If you are reading this and are a friend/family member of a pregnant woman – you are awesome! If you are reading this as someone who has been asked if you would like a party – here are some ideas. This section might be something you’d like to share with the organizer.
Ask what kind of event would be fun and meaningful – don’t assume. Big outdoor party with everyone? A small group of three over tea at home? Make sure that what is being planned will bring joy, not stress.
Encourage a new mother to create a postpartum plan. She can identify and detail what type of support she wants from whom, when, and where. Knowing who she might want to help in what ways can allow her loved ones to stagger support, so she is continually cared for. Having people lined up in advance can take pressure off the mama or fear of asking for help. Some ideas can include:
A Meal Train – find out what type of meals and snacks she likes. Try to line up assigned days for friends and family to bring her food.
Housekeeping upkeep – Welcoming a new baby can bring chaos to a house. Cleaning her house, changing her sheets, doing a few loads of laundry, mowing the lawn, and finding out how else to pick up around the house can make her home feel homier. During the shower friends might all share the tasks that they most like to have done to feel ok. For some, this might be cleaning the dishes out of the sink while for others it might be clean sheets or a swept floor. This is a great way to get to know each other and also know what would help the most.
Babysitting – perhaps she would like someone to come at an irregular hour to hold her baby. Perhaps she just wants someone to hold her baby so she can eat her meal and shower. Maybe she would like someone to come play with her other child(ren) so she has alone time with her newborn. Find out if she’d like help caring for or holding the baby.
Weekly check-ins – A check about how things have things been going for her for the first few weeks provides a pulse if she might need more or less support for the following week.
Tell her to skip the thank you notes. Assure her that having the chance to be with someone when they need help is a gift.
Arming her with people and designated tasks ahead of time is a wonderful way to ensure she has quality care and support weeks after the high of the new baby wears off.
Learn more about Postpartum Plans here.
Did you have a mom shower? If so what was the most useful gift you received? Let us know!
