Topics in My Partner
It is common for women to want to be the main caretaker of their newborns. New moms are very connected to their infants, especially during the 4th Trimester. Many women struggle to leave their baby to the care of others, even from people they trust and love deeply. It can be scary or upsetting to allow someone else to care for your baby, including the baby’s other parent.
Here are some tips for new moms and their partners.
- Have open conversations about how you and your partner view care giving. Try to identify points of agreement, and tactfully explore points of disagreement. It is helpful to understand where both of you are coming from as you begin caring for the baby, as individuals and as a couple. In fact, coming to this understanding is helpful before the baby is even born. If you had a child or children with a previous partner, consider how those experiences might influence how you view and approach parenting with your current partner. Allow room for things to be done differently than they were done in the past.
- Start by asking your partner to hold and care for the baby while you’re home. Snuggle time offers a bonding opportunity and also helps partners build skills in calming the baby. Diaper changes are an excellent place to start, and there is room for a whole lot of practice! The catch: don’t hover. You partner will need to build confidence in themselves and find their own way to care for their child. It is likely your partner will do things differently than you, but it is important for your baby and partner to learn, grow, and bond together. Just as new moms rely on others to help build their own confidence as parents, your partner needs to hear from you when they do something right.
- If you would like time on your own or with another child, you can try playing in a different room, going for a walk, or running a quick errand to give your partner and baby space. While you are gone, you can ask your partner to send photos or set up a video chat between you and your baby. Building a support system that you know is safe and trustworthy is key! In a way that works for you and your baby, you can increase the amount of time you’re gone and distance you are comfortable leaving.
- Slings, wraps, and carriers can lighten the load for caregivers. If you and your partner have different body shapes, you may need different carriers. Look for a baby wearing group or a baby store in your community where you can try on different carriers and find a size and shape that fits.
By creating space for the people close to you to care for the baby, you are building your child’s “village”; children thrive when they have a community of caring others. Your loved ones can bond with baby, both when you are present and not.
